New Year, New Me
Every January 1 the masses of the world wake up feeling like they’ve hit restart. Everyone has long lists of ways they are going to better themselves and their lives with the new year they’ve been handed.
I am no exception to this yearly tradition. Every year I wake up with the idea in my head, that this year will be the year I stick to my resolutions and become the best version of myself I can be. If I’m being honest though, I’ve fallen short most years and somewhere between the months of March and may (give or take) my resolutions have long been forgotten.
I refuse to discourage myself from at least trying even if I once again fall short of the goals I have set for myself. Even if not completed at least they are goals I can work towards and hopefully get closer to every year.
So without further ado, my New Years resolutions list.
1) Focus more on myself. This one seems easy enough but somehow in the 4 years of being a mother my wants and needs have stayed behind in the shadows while I focused more on those of my children. Of course must parents tend to do this, but something I’ve realized is that I’m not doing my kids any favours when I’m not the happiest, best version of myself for them. If they don’t see me being happy with myself and what I’m doing how can I expect them to do the same for themselves? Since having my kids a lot of my goals in life have somewhat faded. Be it career goals or lifestyle goals, they have all kind of just become a distant memory. This year I’ve decided that’s going to change. Even something as small as thinking about a new career goal, maybe even taking few online or night classes to get myself just a little bit closer. I’ve run a day home since having ayda, so I could earn an income as well as be home with my kids. It’s been a blessing as I’ve been able to be with my kids as they grow and I’ve seen every milestone up to this point. However, it’s not my life long goal in life, I have no idea what my end game is but I know it’s not this. As ayda gets closer to being in school full time and at the same time koen will be starting preschool a life long career seems a bit more realistic/achievable for me. So even if it’s just preparation of a new career a few years from now, my goal is to at least start figuring it out.
It’s not just career goals I wish to focus more on this year though. Just simply setting some more time aside for myself is something I really need to start doing more. My days are 98% me doing things for my kids: feeding them, cleaning up after them, entertaining them, taking them to extracurricular activities, the list goes on. This year I’m going to try and set aside time for me. Whether it be something as simple as a nice relaxing (hopefully uninterrupted) bath or more then my usual once every 6 months girls night out, I need to do more of the things that made me, me before I became a mother. Being a mother is who I am now, but it’s not JUST who I am and it’s important I remember and preserve that woman I am separate of being a parent.
2) Reconnect with my husband. This one has been a hard one since having our kids. Basically since having Ayda my husband has been working out of town, so when he is home it’s mostly about making up for lost time with the kids. It’s something I completely understand, I spend every day with our kids but for him he’s away more then he is at home, and he misses all those things every parents hopes they can be around for. When both our kids were under 1 everytime he’d come home our kids would play strange with him, which I can only imagine was heartbreaking. But somewhere in the mess of it all we forgot that we were a family of just 2 at one point. Two people who loved each other enough to decide we wanted to start a family. But we were also two people who took the time to do special things for each other, or go out and be silly and just have fun with each other. I find myself missing making those silly memories a lot lately, so I’m hoping to start making more of them starting this year, and ending never.
3) My last resolution is to disconnect more this year. I know this sounds cliche as I sit here on my phone typing this post, but I really hope to put my phone down more and have so much fun making memories that I completely forget to check it. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m on my phone way more then I’m proud of. Even before having a blog I had my shop which was 100% social media based, so I was constantly checking, and analyzing and trying to perfectly plan my posts, and captions etc. It consumed me a bit, and even now with this blog it’s hard to not to want to be the same way , and push for the perfection that you see on so many of these Instagram accounts with followings in numbers I could only dream about. However when I step back and really think about it, I could spend countless hours taking and editing photos, staging myself or my children to look like perfection and make my feed seemlessly flow in a perfect manner. But years from now what will I be left with? Tiny little squares filled with staged memories set to make this life of mine look picture perfect. I’d much rather sacrifice “instagram fame” then making memories with my family. So this year I plan to spend more time making memories rather then staging them.
So here’s to a new year which hopefully means a new and improved me.
Happy 2018 to all of you.